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Thursday, January 22, 2009

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Didn't know what to put for title.

wasn't too aware of the date. had to check back the calender just now.

It just came. Was it expected? I guess in a way..old age and death..it comes eventually. Not on the 20th of Jan 2009 though.

I still remember the phone call. How I have to wake my mum up and break the news to her. How we rushed out of the house ASAP. How when we reach my mum just broke into tears uncontrollably. How when i entered the house everything seems a blur and just wanted to help my mum up the stairs to ah ma's bedroom. How i made effort to remember how she look at that time, 1 final breath it seems, taken in. I hope she wasn't in pain. Stillness. yellow. so that's what death looks like. I have never taken a longer look ever before. from then on it was all admin. Scanning the photo, burning it onto a disc, calling and emailing to the parlour. occasional passing of tissue to mum, rubbing her back. it didn't hit me till i made my way to work..teared from the bus stop to the office.

what was she like? i remember her egg w potato dish, potato and carrot soup. 2 of my fav. i remember the "xiao jian" with her voice. she always seem happy to see us and talk to us even when it's obvious we don't quite understand what she is saying. she likes to be in the presence of a good crowd of family members. will laugh when she sees other do. in the latter years, we draw amusement from how she mixes us up and don't really remember who we are. i feel guilty everytime she remembers i haven't visit for a very long time. have never done it alone. was something i thought of doing but never got to it. there were stories that she told bout mum, stories that i can't really comprehend due to my horrid hokkien. i remember seeing her smiling most of the time. gets grumpy sometimes but rarely.

i still do not know what title to give this post.

3 comments:

The Puss said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Puss said...

Yo bro,

sorry about your loss. I guess the comfort comes from the thought that she's in a better place now with all her loved ones from the past.

It will get easier with time, and the memories will be stronger. As long as her memories are always with us, she's never really gone.

Take care.
Will

pepper cookie said...

jus leave it title-less lo

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